How to Talk to Your Adult Kids About Inheritance—Without Making It Weird
How to Talk to Your Adult Kids About Inheritance—Without Making It Weird
Let’s face it—talking about money is hard.
Talking about death and money? Even harder.
But if you’re retired or nearing retirement, having open conversations with your adult children about your legacy isn’t just smart—it’s an act of love.
Too many families avoid these talks until it’s too late, which can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and even legal battles. The good news? With the right approach, these conversations don’t have to be awkward. In fact, they can bring your family closer together.
Here’s how to navigate the inheritance conversation with clarity, confidence, and kindness.
🧭 Step 1: Know Why This Conversation Matters
You might feel like “I don’t need to share this now—it’s all in the will.”
But even with a will in place, unclear expectations can lead to confusion, frustration, or conflict.
By talking to your kids now, you:
Ensure they understand your wishes
Give them time to emotionally process future plans
Prevent surprises and tension later
Help them prepare—logistically and financially
It’s about more than money. It’s about peace of mind for everyone involved.
💬 Step 2: Pick the Right Time and Place
This isn’t a conversation to spring on your kids at Thanksgiving dinner or during a busy Sunday brunch. Instead, plan a relaxed, distraction-free time to talk.
Some ideas:
Invite them over for coffee or a quiet lunch
Let them know in advance what you’d like to talk about (“I’d like to share some thoughts about our legacy planning—nothing urgent, but I want to keep you in the loop.”)
Keep the tone casual, calm, and open
You don’t need to cover everything at once. Think of it as an ongoing conversation, not a one-time lecture.
🧾 Step 3: Decide What to Share (and How Much)
You don’t need to hand over account numbers or reveal your net worth—but you should give your kids a general understanding of what to expect.
Here are a few things worth sharing:
Whether or not you have a will or trust (and where it’s located)
Who is named as executor or trustee
Whether there’s life insurance, real estate, or investment accounts involved
Your goals for how assets should be handled (e.g. split evenly, set aside for grand kids, charitable giving)
Instructions for health care or financial decisions if you’re ever unable to make them
Pro tip: If some children are receiving different types of inheritances (e.g. one gets the house, the other gets cash), explain the reasoning now to avoid resentment later.
🛡️ Step 4: Emphasize Your Intentions
Let your kids know the why behind your decisions.
Maybe you’re giving more to a child who helped with care giving.
Maybe you’re leaving assets in a trust to protect them from taxes or poor spending habits.
Maybe you want a portion donated to a cause that mattered deeply to you.
Whatever the reason, transparency breeds trust.
You’re not asking for permission—you’re offering clarity.
🧠 Step 5: Bring in a Professional (When Needed)
Sometimes, these conversations can benefit from a third party—especially if there’s potential for disagreement, blended family dynamics, or complex financial assets involved.
This could be:
A financial advisor
An estate planning attorney
A neutral facilitator or family meeting coordinator
Having a professional present can help keep emotions in check and ensure everything is structured legally and fairly.
✅ Final Step: Revisit Over Time
Life changes—and so can your legacy plan.
Review your will, beneficiaries, and key documents at least every 3 years, or anytime there’s a major life event:
A new grandchild
A move to another state
The passing of a spouse
A shift in financial status
Let your kids know you’ll keep them updated—and encourage them to ask questions if anything’s unclear.
🧡 Final Thoughts: A Conversation That Brings You Closer
Talking to your adult kids about inheritance might feel uncomfortable—but it’s one of the kindest, most thoughtful things you can do for your family.
When done with love, honesty, and care, it’s not about money.
It’s about protecting relationships, creating peace, and leaving a legacy you can all feel good about.
📞 Need help organizing your legacy plan?
At Retirement Success Club, we help families create clear, compassionate strategies that support your financial goals—and your family values.
👉 Schedule your free retirement strategy session today.
Let’s make sure your legacy is one of clarity, confidence, and connection.
